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Quest For Survival

How to heal from the abuse that we suffered as children.

by Harold Glen Hull on 09/19/17

Many survivors of child abuse want to know how to heal from the abuse that we suffered as children. There is no one solution or answer to healing from our abuse. Every survivor's abuse was different and had its own individual impact on the victim.

My abuse started at birth and lasted until I was 15 years old. In many ways I was re-victimized many times when I was told that my abuse wasn't that bad. For me, I had to look at the neglect, mental, physical and sexual abuse at different stages of my life as they happened to me. Doing this I could start at my earliest memory and try to understand what I was feeling at that time. My mother neglected and rejected me the moment that my twin sister died at birth. I have always had a great feeling of emptiness like I never belonged to any family unit.

Once I worked through each type and level of abuse I was able to acknowledge and accept that the abuse destroyed my childhood. Yes I was extremely angry and I wanted to hurt my abusers. Especially my mother who never paid for her crimes against me. Of course this was not a good option for me. So I decided that I was not going to remain a victim because of the abuse.

My healing would take years of me being committed to Harold Glen Hull! I had to strip away all outside influences and people to learn who I am as a person. It wasn't easy nor was it pretty looking at myself.

I never knew how to relax or how to allow myself to enjoy things. I started writing out my emotions in a journal. I spent a lot of time walking in nature. I used meditation and music to relax my mind. Then I allowed myself to feel and express my emotions in a controlled way. In time I saw my behaviors and emotions changing in my daily life.

I learned that I was able to share my childhood experiences with other people. Sharing and speaking became part of my healing. Then I started reaching out to other survivors in my ministry. I started writing more in depth about my abuse. I saw a shift in my core self. My emotions from the abuse were not as triggering nor were the memories as strong when I share my story.

The most important lesson for me as a survivor is that I am the most important person in my life. That I had to make my reparenting and healing as my priority in life. I had to walk away from the toxic people in my life. I accepted that my story will bother some people. It is my story and I must honor who I am no matter what anyone else thinks or feels about it.

Every survivor needs to understand that their healing must be the priority in their life. Healing takes a lot of energy and time.

 

Harold Glen Hull
CSM, USA (Ret)

 

 

Incest Survivors United Voices of America 
President